• ethernet

• miscellaneous
• WOUND POSITION

some text glows now. two thumps way up

hiii. just a couple new pieces of art in the gallery today, including a drawing i did today and a forgotten drawing from earlier this year, during my "vyvanse era". i've been thinking a lot about that "vyvanse era" recently. at the end of last year, i started lisdexamfetamine, and it was initially so great, i thought. drawing felt so.. i mean not easy, but like.. different. like i was better at it i guess. i felt like i was doing my best work ever. i stayed on vyvanse until earlier this year when basically my brain broke. i realized i'm a system (multiple consciousnesses inhabiting one body) and it shattered everything. i realized that i had basically been using vyvanse to suppress DID symptoms. so i quit. i cold turkeyed a medication i had developed a dependency on. which was hard and sucked. but i feel a lot better now. and now here i am, looking at the art i produced while on vyvanse, and it's making me feel really complex emotions. it's the most technical, seamless, intricate art i've ever produced. it has such a honed artistic vision. but i also kind of hate it. like, it's passionless, in a way. not that i wasn't passionate about making it, necessarily, but... i dunno! there's just something off! i've spent a lot of time since quitting vyvanse resenting my seeming inability to make art without it, but.. that's not true, is the thing. i'm still great at making art, i'm still passionate about it. it makes me happy. my vyvanse art sucks because i wasn't happy. i thought i was happy at the time, but i was just swacked out on stimulants and repressing the like. 14 other people in my head. sorry for how disorganized this ramble is lol.

no site update this time, just wanted to talk. i've been thinking recently about how much of my life i've spent online, and like... what the internet means to me, exactly. i made my first email account when i was six years old. it was a christmas gift, because i wanted so badly to be able to go online. basically since then, i've spent all my time online. i discovered my sexuality and my interest in furries by looking at tacklebox's art on twitter when i was twelve. this early engagement with sexuality often scandalizes people when i tell them about it. in the words of my ex: "a thirteen year old should not know what knotting is". i have, on occasion, played into this idea, derided my own sexual awakening as something a little bit unseemly or problematic, but like, fuck that, actually. looking at horny furry art when i was a kid improved my life. the internet didn't hurt me - nobody was at fault here. i wanted to see it, i sought it out. i got a safe space to develop my understanding of eroticism at exactly the time i needed it. i would never have had that without the internet. i'm done mourning all the time i've spent on the computer as "wasted youth". the internet is the best thing that ever happened to me. it's where i discovered my transness, my sexuality, my furryism. where i've met all of my best friends. where i've learned almost everything i know. it is my home, and that's not sad, it's beautiful. an adolescence offline would have killed me. the internet saved my life.

hello again! today, i have added a list of cool sites to the bottom of this page. i'll probably add more in the future. in more exciting news: progress on my visual novel is going great! it even has a title now: Roses on Fire. the first chapter, Divine Dreams, should be out sometime next year. i'm in the scriptwriting phase now, and it's going pretty slow, but i think i'm doing good work and i'm excited for people to read it. it's a neat little book/game/art object/whatever.

hi there! as you can see, this update added a brand-new and quite large section to this page. my copyleft ethos is important to me and displaying it prominently on my page makes me feel like i'm doing good, even if it's only a little. in other news, i'd like to announce i am working on a visual novel! i don't have an estimated release date, but i am hoping to have it done (or at least to have some part of it out) by 2027. i really hope this doesn't jinx it. i've been having an incredibly good time writing it, even though it's also been horribly, horribly difficult. a project like this is quite overwhelming. it's a complicated story with a lot of themes and angles to consider. it started out as a fun and kinda fucked up love story and has now morphed into a dialectical materialist commentary on disability, gender, sexuality, class, etc that happens to also have gay furry sex in it. it will be a great and horrible time. i'm excited to write it, excited to read it, and i'm excited for you all to read it as well. it will not be the best thing i ever make, but it will be something very special, i promise.

hi guys! welcome to the redesigned index of my website. i know i did a whole overhaul literally earlier this year, but.. that design started to feel soooo bloated to me, like there was no reason not to just have everything on one page. so this is that! i think it's pretty sleek and nice looking. also, as you can see, my blog is back! i used to keep a blog on here a million years ago when this site was written in a more personal tone, but i'm bringing it back now! i'll try to update it whenever i update another part of the site, like a little changelog.